Overcoming the Ultimate Obstacle
G. K. Chesterton once said, “I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.” But what if you are afraid to do so? Then What?
Your thoughts and the way you communicate within yourself set the stage for everything that “happens” to you in your life. They are the foundation on which you build your future; your success is dependant upon your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you.
A belief is an idea or thought that we personally accept to be true and accurate. It can be a fact, a principle, an opinion, or even faith in someone or something. A conscious belief is something that we know that we know, whereas a subconscious belief is something that we do not realize that we accept.
Beliefs are mentioned in every religious book known to man. We find reference to them in my favorite book—the Bible, also in the Talmud and Nebiim, the Veda, Qur’an, and the Tipitaka. They play a central part in religion. Just like an apple has a core, our beliefs act as our individual cores; they are that important.
You and I will have many beliefs in concert with each other, but we are totally different because we have our own set of internal beliefs that make us who we are and direct us. No two people are the same in this respect. This is a critical thing to be aware of because what you believe with a strong degree of certainty becomes your reality; it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. What you think is true—is.
Your belief patterns form a screen through which your thoughts are filtered. In fact, your beliefs are so instrumental and have such an incredible effect on you that anything to the contrary of these beliefs are virtually always rejected and cannot take root. This is even the case if what you believe is completely contrary to the facts, because as I said, the degree to which you believe them, they become true for you and you embrace them as such.
Albert Einstein said often that, “…whether you can observe a thing depends on the theory that you use.” To me, this means that if you have a series of beliefs that you hold to be accurate and infallible, then you will not be able to accept anything contrary to them; you will never believe in a round world when to you it is flat.
Often this is the root of the problem. That is, often the reason you are not “becoming” the person you wish to be or not obtaining the results in life you long for is because you do not believe you can. Sometimes the biggest obstacles in your life ARE your beliefs.
As you know, an obstacle is something or someone that stands in your way or impedes your progress. And just about anything can be an obstacle. To be successful in life you have to be able to identify them, preferably before they pose a problem, and use all of your gifts and resources to find a way around, over, through, or under them.
Unfortunately, some people get stopped dead in their tracks the moment they are confronted with obstacles, but to the high achiever, they are nothing more than minor speed bumps along life’s journey.
When Israel was faced with the prospect of fighting the giant Philistine warrior Goliath, they had some reservations to say the least. One can almost imagine the discussions that were going on that day amongst the soldiers. I am sure the response would have been something like, “This man is so incredibly enormous, so tremendously powerful, we couldn’t possibly beat him even if we all attacked at once.” I must admit that I would have most likely thought the same thing.
But if you have heard this story before, you know that wasn’t the end of it. I love the fact that the young Shepherd boy David, who had been called by God to fight Goliath, didn’t hesitate to take up the challenge. I bet that his response was something like, “Yes, he is very big; I totally agree with you my friend. In fact, I am glad of it. That man is so large that I couldn’t possibly miss!” What a great way to look at the situation!
I once watched an interview with the author and speaker Tony Robbins, a very dedicated man who I truly respect for not only what he has accomplished in his own life, but for the time and effort he has dedicated to helping others reach their full potential. At the time Tony was going through a time of major change in his life.
Robbins, in his thirties at this point, was racing boats, driving his motorcycle fast, and flying his helicopter. Some might think that it was a mid-life crisis. In fact, the person conducting the interview asked Tony if that’s what was really going on. I will never forget his response. Tony said, “A mid-life crisis? No! I am having a mid-life celebration!” I love that.
In my estimation, there are only two main types of obstacles that are worth considering at this juncture. Those which are self generated and those that are external to us. Internal obstacles can be both physical and psychological in nature, and so can external ones.
That being said, I strongly believe growth is intrinsic to the human condition and that it can only be slowed if we allow, either consciously or subconsciously, things to stand in our way. So, I think it is rather prudent to focus on the internal side of the house rather than looking at physical limitations or obstacles, as the case may be.
What I am saying here is critically important. Negative thinking is—absolutely and unequivocally—the biggest obstacle that you will ever encounter during your stay on planet Earth. In fact, it is more powerful than all other obstacles combined.
Fear is the most common emotions that people grapple with. It is very powerful and can absolutely immobilize people—both physically and mentally.
People fear all kinds of things. Every person on this planet fears something, so that is a lot of fear out there. Some fear failure, some fear success, others fear asking for help or fear rejection. It is a subjective thing indeed.
What it boils down to is this: fear is exaggerated conscious thoughts of terrible consequences. You will hear me say this again and again, fear is often nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.)
Some people are afraid of failing. Often, this causes them to freeze up or avoid taking any risk whatsoever. But, without risk, there can be no growth. It is just like entering into a loving relationship. At the onset, you have to expose your feelings to someone and this can be scary. Nobody likes to be rejected, but to be accepted, you must take the risk. Unfortunately, to some the fear of failure will be stronger than the pleasure associated with the success. Thus, they will take no action and enjoy no achievement.
To succeed, you have to put yourself out there; it is the only way to move forward. If you are unwilling to take a risk, if you are unwilling to try because you fear failure, you are officially resigning yourself to accept things as they are.
Fear of failure rises up in us whenever we are given the chance to risk things we have such as time, energy, money, or emotions. It is not uncommon for people to immediately feel, “I can’t”.
For example, those who grow up in circumstances where the finances are very tight will have had the phrase, “I can’t afford it” inculcated into them. Once adults, these programs can come out. Whenever we have a chance to succeed, our own self limiting belief patters in the form of emotions can rise up to block us.
Interestingly enough you will find this response to be the case even with people who make a lot of money. Because they grew up in poverty, they can’t let go of that old programming. The truth is they could and they can afford it; the risk may not even be real, yet they automatically limit themselves. That is what I meant by F.E.A.R.
One of the people in my immediate family, despite making an excellent salary always says, “We don’t have any money.” It’s not true, but he believes it. He trusts his emotions over the facts.
The solution is really simple: you have to test your emotions against that which is true and make a choice to do what you know over what you feel. You arrest the feeling and free your ability to choose to act in a positive way that leads towards a goal.
Now, let’s look again more closely at something I mentioned above but you may have missed. The linking key to the way King David and Tony Robbins handled their particular situations was the way they “communicate” about the situation with not only others, but more importantly, themselves.
The writer Thomas Peacock once said, “Ancient sculpture is the true school of modesty. But where the Greeks had modesty, we have cant; where they had poetry, we have cant; where they had patriotism, money, or emotions. It is not uncommon for people to immediately feel, “I can’t”.
For example, those who grow up in circumstances where the finances are very tight will have had the phrase, “I can’t afford it” inculcated into them. Once adults, these programs can come out. Whenever we have a chance to succeed, our own self limiting belief patters in the form of emotions can rise up to block us.
Interestingly enough you will find this response to be the case even with people who make a lot of money. Because they grew up in poverty, they can’t let go of that old programming. The truth is they could and they can afford it; the risk may not even be real, yet they automatically limit themselves. That is what I meant by F.E.A.R.
One of the people in my immediate family, despite making an excellent salary always says, “We don’t have any money.” It’s not true, but he believes it. He trusts his emotions over the facts.
The solution is really simple: you have to test your emotions against that which is true and make a choice to do what you know over what you feel. You arrest the feeling and free your ability to choose to act in a positive way that leads towards a goal.
Now, let’s look again more closely at something I mentioned above but you may have missed. The linking key to the way King David and Tony Robbins handled their particular situations was the way they “communicate” about the situation with not only others, but more importantly, themselves.
The writer Thomas Peacock once said, “Ancient sculpture is the true school of modesty. But where the Greeks had modesty, we have cant; where they had poetry, we have cant; where they had patriotism, we have cant; where they had anything that exalts, delights, or adorns humanity, we have nothing but cant, cant, cant..”
People like Kind David and Tony Robbins share an inability to say “can’t” which lends to the level of success they had in their lives respectively.
The greatest leaders, thinkers, teachers, and revolutionaries in history were experts at communication and their choice of words greatly influenced others. What they said caused people to think differently and to question what they “knew” as truth. They used words to enlist people to their cause, to over throw corrupt nations, to teach the world about love, and so on. History is full of examples; all you have to do is look.
People with poor vocabularies possess poor tools in which to describe experiences they have. They are automatically limited in their ability to express what they think, feel, and understand about something. The messages they give to themselves and to others will reflect this poor ability as well. If they consistently use negative or disempowering words to relay their experiences in life, I am willing to bet that the majority of their life is exactly as they describe it. As a result, any goals they might have had manifest themselves as ghosts that steal joy and perpetuate the current state. But if they use empowering words, the opposite will be true for them.
What kind of words do you regularly use? How do you communicate with yourself? Do you make an effort to be positive in all that you say? Do you purposefully omit negative words like I do? Are you always making an effort to increase the words you know so that you will expand your ability to describe the way you think, feel, and experience life?
We need to use words that lift us up, that affirm us and our goals, and that motivate and encourage us. Not words that tear us down. Using negative words creates a negative environment for us and those around us. It fosters fear, resentment, hatred, and other destructive emotions and mind-sets.
When I was growing up I used to say “hate” all of the time. You name it; I could tag that word onto just about any situation. Since I grew up in a home that was pretty negative most of the time, using corresponding words to describe things was normal to me; to feel bad, depressed, and generally rundown was life. When I said things like, “I hate my school” or “I hate my life” I was indulging in a terribly destructive pattern, I just didn’t know it at the time.
To be honest, my life did suck at the time. But it sucked because I let it be that way and I indulged in a mind set that perpetuated it. As a result I had few friends, had difficulty in just about every area of my life, and seldom smiled. To make matters worse, everyone with half a brain in their head quickly distanced themselves from me as soon as they could, which meant that most of the people I then hung around with had similar outlooks on life. That can be a major problem. We often attract others into our lives that have the very same qualities that we fervently dislike about ourselves. If we believe that our lives are terrible we want people in our lives that will agree with us!
To be a success, you have to renew your mind; you have to learn to replace old nasty habits with ones that are conducive to growth. To help reprogram your old grungy software you have installed in your brain, you must pick one or two words to replace the old negative ones and use them regularly. Pretty soon, and experience life?
We need to use words that lift us up, that affirm us and our goals, and that motivate and encourage us. Not words that tear us down. Using negative words creates a negative environment for us and those around us. It fosters fear, resentment, hatred, and other destructive emotions and mind-sets.
When I was growing up I used to say “hate” all of the time. You name it; I could tag that word onto just about any situation. Since I grew up in a home that was pretty negative most of the time, using corresponding words to describe things was normal to me; to feel bad, depressed, and generally rundown was life. When I said things like, “I hate my school” or “I hate my life” I was indulging in a terribly destructive pattern, I just didn’t know it at the time.
To be honest, my life did suck at the time. But it sucked because I let it be that way and I indulged in a mind set that perpetuated it. As a result I had few friends, had difficulty in just about every area of my life, and seldom smiled. To make matters worse, everyone with half a brain in their head quickly distanced themselves from me as soon as they could, which meant that most of the people I then hung around with had similar outlooks on life. That can be a major problem. We often attract others into our lives that have the very same qualities that we fervently dislike about ourselves. If we believe that our lives are terrible we want people in our lives that will agree with us!
To be a success, you have to renew your mind; you have to learn to replace old nasty habits with ones that are conducive to growth. To help reprogram your old grungy software you have installed in your brain, you must pick one or two words to replace the old negative ones and use them regularly. Pretty soon, you will see a difference and so with others around you!
For example, instead of saying you are really “pissed off” you could say that you are “seriously cheesed” which is a strange replacement; it makes you think about what was said rather than what happened. You may have noticed that the replacement just does not hold the same impact as the original choice. Try saying them both out loud and tell me if I am wrong. Get it? That’s the point.
Here are some words that I use:
I am feeling…
angry to a bit annoyed
afraid to aware of my concerns
anxious to concerned
confused to interested
depressed to mindful
destroyed to off my game
pissed to cheesed
disappointed to underwhelmed
disgusted to challenged
embarrassed to aware of myself
embarrassed to conscious
exhausted to ready for recharging
failure to growth opportunity
fear to excitement
frightened to aware of my concerns
And so on….
You should now see that if you change the words you use you can change the way you see life. These simple but effective techniques are yours to use; it’s all up to you. Now is the perfect time to take control and use language as part of your overall success strategy.